Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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