we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
