So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
