ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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