I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
