Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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