I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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