Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
