dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
