Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
