i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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