we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
third nipple confirmed
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
