people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
