apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
