This is not my ceiling
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
