I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death