a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.