YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.