I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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I told you penises don't tan
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
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The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ