i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ugly people sure do ruin things
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just had sex on a roof