Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
