Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
