i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
