u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
