so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
