If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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