remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
