I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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