return my video game
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
