I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
