Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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