i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
