No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
