bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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