if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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