the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
