My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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