the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
