id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
