If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
