if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
