your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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