She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
