I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
