at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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