The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Come share oat with me in your robe
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
