We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
