worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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