i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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