the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Mom said you looked used
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
