I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
