today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
