I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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