East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
