just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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