a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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