Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
