I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
