You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Alive.
So much puke
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
