I feel like abortions should bother me more
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
