My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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