Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
