Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
