i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
