That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
