dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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