There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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