I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
