Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
