OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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