The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
