You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
