There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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