so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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