i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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