I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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