i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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