Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
