Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize