There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
