Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
